||[Feb. 17th, 2012|10:36 pm]
I feel like God is calling me to something..... Lately I've had a genuine tugging at my heart for something more... Not the manic "I don't know what to do" calling... but the "just come to the alter." You know that verse... "come to me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest." I feel my life has reached that point.... but it's more than that... I am not just in a run down, empty state..... I feel there is something more.... Like, I have to go there, because that is where I belong... That is what will bring me happiness.... That is where I am suppose to be...... I have the ministry in the back of my mind but another part is just saying, "stop thinking, and just go to him...." I am not the person I am... I feel I tred much more lightly then I did.... to be a minister and talk about God's plan for people's lives...... I feel I struggle to do anything like that... but I feel going into the ministry is still in my heart in some way..... I always wanted to be a part of the worship team at church.....
I feel torn.... My beliefs are Orthodox.. The Eucharist trumps anything.... but I loved being protestant... the music, the atmosphere, actually walking with God and having peers that did too....
I think I want to go back to multnomah and finish....I want my degree.... but even more than that, I got a lot out of it.....I think I want to go back but I feel confused about where I am suppose to be... May be I need to pray more about it, and I do need the worship again. It really was a big part of my life and I miss it... May be I just need to stop analyzing everything and just "come as I am."